Thursday, January 25, 2007

Close Call For One Aussie

I read about a Great White shark attack in Austrailia recently. An abelone diver was about 15-20 feet underwater looking for those pesky mollusks along a reef when he claimed out of nowhere a 15-foot Great White bit his head. It knocked out his oxygen mouthpeice.

This is one of the luckiest men on Earth that day. The shark bit his mask. But that wasn't it. Jaws repositioned his grip and half swallowed the man. Medical evidence, injuries and eyewitness accounts all relate this part - the guy was being swallowed. His head, right shoulder and arm and most of his torso were inside the shark. The Great White's teeth were clamped down on the guy's weight vest! Abelone divers wear weights to keep them grounded as they search. This actually acted as body armor. The man tells a tale of absolute horror. As he was feeling the sharks teeth grinding on his vest he was searching around in the fish's gullet with his free arm, pounding away. His left arm and shoulder were still outside of the shark's mouth and the guy actually felt along the shark's head and jammed his thumb in its eye as hard as he could. The monster coughed him up.

The diver found his mouthpiece, connected to him by the breathing tube and tried to take a breath and figure out where the surface was. He found it and started up, but the shark wasn't going away. He swam up slower than you would think to possibly fend off another attack. Reports say the diver was a black belt in some martial art, which really cracked me up - like that would even matter. Probably a 6-foot 180lb. karate-knowing land mammal underwater vs. the 15-foot, 2,500lb. greatest predatory ocean fish of our time. Yeah right. Anyway, the shark was circling below his legs as he tried to surface, expecting it to come up with full speed and force. Imagine how unbelievably terrifying this is?

The diver's son and nearby boaters hauled him right out of the water and got him to shore to medical attention. He is going to be fine, didn't lose a single limb. I would never set foot in so much as a puddle after that. The diver reported from the hospital that his fleeting thoughts while being almost swallowed were total disbelief that he was going to die as fish food. The top half of your body is down the throat of a Great White and it occurs to you that you are about to be bitten in half.

I have been transfixed in vicarious terror about sharks all my life. My first memory is of a shark. I spent countless hours reading about them, drawing them as a child. It boggles my mind that anyone would even attempt surfing in Cali or Austrailia. You look exactly like a seal from the shark's perspective. One second you are sitting on your surf board and the next - BAM! Your leg is gone below the knee. Humans are not accustomed to being hunted by any other species besides ourselves. Stories such as this always remind me that our societies are so busy and intricate and entertainment dominates our lives so much that we don't realize that this trip could end anytime. And you can' t take anything with you. No U-Hauls follow the herse to the cemetary.


Anonymous said...

I have a fucking question - how come everyone can blog on this site but me????!!!!!! This is fucking bullshit. I didn't even know you guys had this blog. It's like you were fucking cheating on me!

I'm going to leave now and go and slit my wrists, then you fuckers can have your "other" blog.

(Seriously though, did I miss all this? I want in).

Mookie W. O' Maolchathaigh-Fly said...

I am more scared of bears. I am a better swimmer than I am a runner I guess...

I did have a sucker fish once attach itself to me when I was snorkeling in the Bahamas. It bit me when I tried to swim away. It was pretty little but I still acted like it was Jaws!

Anonymous said...

This one time, I was walking through the jungles of Africa, and I was attacked by three lions. They ate my head. Luckily, I got a new one the next day at the local deli.

I don't believe the Australian's story, just like I don't believe that bitch in Cambodia was raised by fucking wolves. Everyone is a liar.

Mookie McFly said...

How come no one is ever raised by uncool animals. It's always bears, racoons or wolves. Why aren't people ever raised by bed bugs or pelicans?

I don't believe in Beatles Fake Head...I just believe in me. And that's reality...

PS - sorry Mr.Lennon but you're dead and poetic license is a bitch.

The Overfloater said...

Faker, I invited you TWICE! But probably much like my phone calls they were ignored. So now who's slitting their wrists?

Golf, followed by football in April. I am joining an adult flag-football league in February where we play indoors! It's 8 on 8 and there will be 8 games and the playoffs. I'm psyched.

The story is true, they have the medical evidence to back up his and eyewitness stories. His organs were totally compressed but saved by his weight vest. That must've been the weirdest moment of his life, inside the gullet of a Great White. Theoretically, I bet Fakehead could have fit all the way and pulled off a Jonah and the Whale and bust his way out with an oyster knife. That would be unbelievably gross. You' re in there with half-digested fish and shit and as you cut into the walls of muscle swallowing you- of course blood is gushing everywhere and you have to hack through the liver and air bladder and tough-ass skin from the inside and all that shit would be pouring all over you, but I bet you could make it.

unruly said...

I saw this show called "I cant believe I survived" or something. And these two snorkelers were stuck at see for a few days just floating. At night it got pitch black they could see anything. Then this frill or something sorrounded them and when they moved it would make a glowing like shadow. Then these sharks were swimming through this frill and all these people could see was these glowing shadows. Really freaky.