Dying - what's the best way to go? Plus some other shit...

I'm not sure what the best way to die is, besides going in your sleep. But I figure there are a few other good ways to kick the bucket. I'm obviously not going to kill myself, so before Dateline finds this blog after they find my dead, decomposing bloated body in a Tiauana Whorehouse I just want to be clear that I would never kill myself.

Anyway, I don't know if I want to have a great death or (since it is close to Halloween) have the type of death when people are totally surprised and/or scared when they find my body. I think that a car crash may be okay, if it was quick. But I don't want to get stuck in the wreckage and die waiting for help to come. I certainly don't want to go over an overpass and live for a week and then die of starvation or something. That would blow. Although you never hear of people not finding cars that crash in New Jersey, so I'd probably be okay if that happened, assuming I didn't die in the crash.

I know I would not want to burn or drown, that would blow. I'm going to be doing enough burning in hell, so I don't need to get a preview while I'm alive.

Getting shot in the head would be easy enough, one to the dome, as they say. That would be great, because I would die instantly and it would be gross for whoever found my dead body. I wouldn't want to die by strangulation or hanging, because I hate when people touch my neck. I have this thing about my neck.

Getting struck by lightning would be fine, as long as I died right away, no living all burnt and shit, that would suck (see burning above).

Having my car go off a bridge would be sort of okay, but the fall would be scary, so that may suck. Plus, having seen several movies, I would still think that I would be able to live through it by jumping out of my open car door at the last second, which I don't think the laws of gravity would allow. As far as bridges go, I think you're totally dead if you fall off the GWB, but you may live if you tumble off the Veranzzano.

I wouldn't want to get stabbed, but if the wounds didn't hurt I wouldn't mind bleeding to death. Plus it would make for a gruesome discovery.

Drinking myself to death would be great in the beginning, but it would be hard work and a lot of vomiting and dry heaving throughout, so that would begin to suck. I like the whole idea of a Leaving Las Vegas death, but that shit wasn't easy. And I'm sure I wouldn't have Elizabeth Shue to bang as my final act. It would probably be me in a dirty alley choking on my own vomit from cheap whiskey or me in a hospital because some asshole good Samaritan saw me lying in a puddle of my own excrement and felt bad for me and had an ambulance pick me up.

Jesus, how else to people die, I'm not going to address natural means, because that's probably the way I'm going to die in real life, (I would bet on cancer) so that's boring.

Getting hit by a car (as a pedestrian, or in my case, jogger) would be okay as long as it killed me instantly. Seeing my body fly through the air would be both interesting and distressing for the passer-bys, so that is a pretty good way to go. A person would see my lifeless body slap back down on the concrete like a raw steak hitting a cutting board.

I definitely would NOT want to be eaten by wild animals or zombies. That would really blow.

I just wonder how it is going to happen. I can't decide whether or not I would want to know when I am going to die. Knowing that would totally change how I lived my life and what I focus on I think. I don't know. I think that if I knew I was going to die in 5 years, in 4 years I would buy a lot of guns, start robbing banks and settling old scores. That way I would only have to spend the last few months of my life in jail (and you bet your ass I would go to trial on everything to drag out the whole process, I would represent myself, etc. etc.). Why not? Make the government pay for me in my last year of life.

I guess the best way to go would be a gunshot wound to the head or getting hit by a car and dying instantly. Top 5 ways not to die:

1. Burning

2. Drowning

3. Eaten by wild animal or zombie

4. Getting strangled

5. Getting hacked up with a machete.

I added No. 5 at the last minute, but it is definitely true. Also, if I had to pick I think I would move No. 3 to at least No. 2. And No. 5 maybe No. 3 unless it happened quick.

My questions to you, the casual reader of this blog, are:

How do you want to die?

Would you want to know when you are going to die?

I figure nobody is reading this blog so I doubt any people will comment, but whatever.

OTHER MORE IMPORTANT SHIT:

I recently rented six movies (over the past month or so):

Reign On Me (or Reign Over Me?) - Adam Sandler, Don Cheadle - Sandler is a 9-11 widower (even his dog dies) when his family is on one of the planes that crashed, he goes a little nuts and reverts to child-like behavior like playing video games and collecting records and he amazingly knows how to remodel his kitchen even though he is a dentist by trade. Cheadle is his "college roomate" with his own issues with his wife - it was fucking awful and it had potential. Avoid it at all costs. Plus it's fucking long as hell. Sandler has some fucked up girlfriend at the end who is totally insane, Cheadle solves his problems with a 45 second conversation with his wife, and it is a complete waste of time. Sandler sounds retarded, even more so then he did in Waterboy (which I loved by the way). The music in it was good though. Grade: D-

Idiocracy - Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph, Michael Bolton from "Office Space" (no clue what his real name is - in this Mike Judge written story about how retarded (stupid) America gets in the future, Luke Wilson and Rudolph woke up from a few hundred years of a coma (Army experiment) and discover they are the smartest people in the world. It is pretty funny and it does a good job at making fun of how stupid American culture is getting (MTV is a prime example). My favorite part is that they water their crops with gatorade. Grade: B

We Are Marshall - Matt McCounghehy (sp), Matthew Fox, the hot Mara daughter - this movie is pretty much exactly what you would expect from something like this genre. It is very typical in depicting what happened to Marshall University after pretty much their whole team died in a plane crash and the aftermath but it is well told, it moved quickly and I'm a sucker for sports movies, so I liked it. It made me appreciate Chad Pennington more, even though he had nothing to do with that team. Grade: B+

Room 1408 - John Cusak, Samual Jackson - Cusak plays a writer who loses a kid to cancer and basically walks out on his wife and starts writing about the scariest places in America (those dumb guide books like "Weird NJ). He ends up going to Room 1408 in the Dolphin Hotel in NYC and stays (against Sam Jackson's wishes) in room 1408 where there had been 56 deaths in 95 years. Needless to say, the room is hell, and some of the best parts are when he sees his daughter again and the reunion doesn't go so well, as well as when he thinks he made it out of the room only to wake up in the room again. Pretty good. Pretty suspenseful, a few different endings are available on the DVD, which I never like, because it's like, the test audience decides what ending the masses should consume with the final product, but whatever. It was entertaining enough: Grade B-

Deathproof - Kurt Russell is a serial killer with his car. Quentin Taratino wrote and directed it, and it is too talkly for my liking, even though it is QT. Russell was pretty good, because he is nuts, and the girls are pretty hot. That being said, there really wasn't much to the movie, and I have no idea how Rosario Dawson turned into a psycho at the end when her character was lame in the beginning. But it was okay. Grade: C+

Planet Terror - Robert Rodriguez's zombie movie, Rose McGogwan and Freddie Rodriguez star, along with a few others, including Fig's boy Michael Beihn (of Terminator fame). I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, some fucked up parts (kid shoots himself in the head, gun control anyone?) and a dog gets needlessly run over with its blood splattering all over one of the female characters (obviously for effect only) but other than that it was definitely entertaining. I didn't like the "missing clip" part though, because a ton of shit happened during that gimmick, but I see why it was done (to make it seem like a movie from the 70s like it was trying to be). I didn't like Quentin's cameo either, he plays another rapist, which is fucking gross. I have no idea what is up with him and the raping (See From Dusk 'Til Dawn another Rodriguez flick). Either Roberto thinks Quentin is a great rapist, or he is just fucked up. Anyway, it had all the cheesy lines and the corny action that you want to see in a zombie action movie, and I even found myself laughing every once and a while. But I still don't know the dog had to get run over. Regardless, Rose is hot as hell, even with a machine gun for a leg. Grade: B+

Check her out from the movie (she starts out playing a stripper) ...

And from real life....

Her only problem is that she dated that fucking taco Marylin Manson, but then again, he is a fraud anyway, so I'm sure he's just like a normal rich guy on drugs underneath all that gay makeup.

Finally, my new favorite comedy TV show besides the Office - 30 Rock. You have to watch it. Alec Baldwin makes the show but Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan are pretty fucking funny too. In fact, the whole cast adds something to it. If you are even just a little bit strange you will enjoy it.

One of my new favorite shows...

I have to tell you (and by "you", I mean the one person or imaginary person that reads this blog), one of my new favorite shows is called "Dexter" and it's on Showtime. Granted, it's not new and the second season starts on Sept. 30th, but I just rented the first season on DVD and it's pretty fucking entertaining.

I like the idea of a show about a serial killer who kills other serial killers and/or people who are bad motherfuckers. It's very entertaining, and at most times, funny. Sure, it's not "Seinfeld" funny, but it's fucking funny in its own way.

Basically, and I've only watched 8 or 9 episodes so far, the main character is called "Dexter Morgan" and he was adopted by a cop named "Harry" after Harry found him at a crime scene (haven't see what the crime scene was yet, but supposedly it's part of the reason why Dex is so fucked up. Harry noticed that Dex was not normal and had urges to kill things (started out with animals) so Harry channelled this craziness into killing people who deserve it. Harry taught Dex how to pretend to be normal, fit in, kill and not get caught, etc. Harry's bio daughter turns out to be a cop, and she and Dex are as close as possible (considering Dex is "empty" inside and doesn't feel normal human emotions). Dex and his sister both work for the Miami Police Department, she is a cop and he is a forensic analyst. The other characters are pretty interesting too, there is a hot-headed cop who thinks Dex is fucked up and creepy, an honest cop who likes Dex and has secrets of his own, his boss who wants to bang him (female), his girlfriend who also wants to bang him (to which he finally did and he was able to provide enough emotional attachment to keep her around) and other assorted types he comes across. The main plot line involves another serial killer that seems to be far superior to Dex, and he is trying to find that guy, but that killer knows everything about Dex. The killer "The Ice Truck Killer" turns out to be a creepy dude who makes prosthetic appendages. Of course, the killer and Dex's sister are dating, so that part is lame, but whatever. The other plot line obviously follows Dex's murders and how he chooses his victims, etc. That is my favorite part. I definitely find myself rooting for Dex, even though he is a creepy son-of-a-bitch. The show makes it impossible not to like him, which I think is pretty cool all things considered.

Obviously, the show is completely unrealistic and there are some plot holes, but every fucking show is like that. I mean, I watch "24" for fuck's sake, so I don't have that much of a problem with shows that are so far from reality they make "Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs" look like fucking CNN. Regardless, it is definitely worth checking out. I'm looking forward to the last 3 episodes, I want to see the "Ice Truck Killer" get chopped up by Dex. I wouldn't mind if Dex's sister gets fucking slaughtered as well, because she is so fucking annoying. (Oh, I guess that is one of my other problems with the show, but I guess it's just her character).

Anyway, you can rent season 1 and my wife is talking about getting Showtime so we can watch Season 2. I don't know, it's cheaper to rent the DVDs at the end of the year then spend 10 extra bucks a month to get Showtime.

AN ACTUAL PHOTO FROM THE LAST CLASS FIGS EVER TAUGHT...

YOU CAN ONLY GUESS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT... That's right, Figs gave them detention for inappropriate use of a ruler and one of their parents got him fired after they found out.

GO JETS!

Our Next President? Michael Bloomberg

"Rose's are reddish,

Violets are bluish,

If it weren't for Jesus we'd all be Jewish."

That's the attitude we all need to have about Michael Bloomberg. This guy is perfect for America and America is perfect for Michael Bloomberg. The only negative is that he is Jewish. And that is not a negative for us, but that will ensure that the U.S. will be hated even more by the rest of the world, particular the Middle East. If the Middle East didn't hate us enough by barging into their countries and create a Civil War, they will really hate us when they find out that our leader is a Jew.

But seriously folks, Bloomy is the man. So what if he is not a politian. He knows how to run things. He created a multi-billion dollar company. That is no easy task. Then he became Mayor of NYC and has done a great job. Let me tell you, going from a business man to the Mayor of NYC is no easy task. But he did it gracefully.

And as Mayor he has passed laws to create safer auto-emmissions, cracked down on mob-related businesses, got rid of the homeless people, eliminated low-income housing, made a universal healthcare plan for all of NYC, implemented a software program that identifies terrorists on subway cars (an alarm goes off when it detects someone with brown skin), gave raises to all employees with blonde hair and blue eyes, fought outragous rate hikes by the MTA, formed immigration laws that sent all Mexican people back to China (even if they were legal American Citizens), took back Dunken Dounuts from the Indians, paid for a new Yankee and Mets stadium with his own money, legalized Marajuana and allowed all the porn shops to re-open that Guilianni shut down. Ok, I made up the last one and the second to last one.

But this guy takes the subway to work every day. He is a man of the people, even though he is a lot richer than everyone in America.

The real reason I think he will be the next president? Because he will pay for his own campaign. How big is that? HUGE! He will not take contributions from big donors who expect big legislative changes in their favor. He will stick to what he thinks will make the country run effectively. Granted he is not an expert in foreign affairs...but who is? Bush? We shouldn't be dealing with foreign affairs, except places like Dufur where people can't even find food.

Bloomberg will help our economy which is all fucked up right now. And he will help our health care crisis in a more logical way than Michael Moore's way. Sorry Moore, but America is about a million times bigger than the Netherlands and we all don't make the same money like they do. And we are all not all white like they are. America needs someone who can handle something that complicated.

Plus Bloomy is a big environmental guy who see's the value of paying attention to our environment, which is something we need to start doing something about now before American is covered by an Ocean.

The biggest thing though is the money thing. Bush cowtows to his big money freinds. They want him to go to Iraq and get a strong hold on oil and he does. They want him to look for oil in Alaska, he starts drilling. They want him to break the levy's in New Orleans to wipe out the poor people, he does.

Bloomberg does not need to cowtow to anyone. He is like one of those friends of Bush...as far as power is concerned. He controls the power. And he is a good guy.

I guarantee Bloomberg will be our president in '08. Mainly because I think he is the man for the job. Plus, when it is time to vote I am going to keep dialing into Fox till I get like 500 votes for the guy.

The Moth (Hand of God)

I was driving home in the rain
the falling drops streaked like pain
as I ruminated my 'bad' day again
and again

I felt something graze the top of my head
but kept singing Springsteen instead
of checking out that which hit me and fled

'Dancing In the Dark'
became stark

as the moth's wings flutter by my ear
the lyrics meaning revealed clear
And as I was near the moth's fear
and sudden as a chest full of spear
my hand did appear

grabbed that moth by his wings
and just as Springsteen sings
how he gets up in the evenings
and comes home in the mornings
I hold all this moth's alarmings
and drive

Toss him out a minute later
his struggle mighty theater

and I realize that's like the hand of God grabbing me
laughing at my life and dropping me in Germany

I am awash
in what I did to that moth

no way to get food
no way to find his brood

Just find a light
and live your flight
hold it tight

Blech

Wasted is as wasted does
and love is as love was?
Gravity is certain
eyelids are curtains
coming down after bad decision
acted out with such precision
as to make a brain surgical incision

and whittle away pain and regret
dashing any impulses mean or upset
wanting all that I want
and typing in this font
resident of Corisant

Me - The Swing Voter

OVERFLOATER just read a conservative op-ed piece knocking Rudy Giuliani and his approach at compromising over divisive issues, namely abortion.

Giuliani was quoted at a Houston fundraiser saying, "If we don't find a way of uniting around broad principles that will appeal to a large segment of this country...we are going to lose this election." He sounds like a New Yorker. New Yorkers have long been faced with hordes of immigrants, long has experience dealing with poverty, crime while also establishing the extent of culture, art, science in the Free World. New York is an international hub, the financial capital of the world. Giuliani has experience running the greatest show on Earth, and some say he will go down as one of New York's greatest mayors. He has taken on some monumental challenges in his political career, including near-miracles of cleaning up NYC crime and taking down the Mob. He put John Gotti in prison.

I will never , ever forget watching the September 11th attacks live on television with my grandmother in her New Jersey home. Giuliani was caught on camera numerous times demonstrating on-the-street leadership. Running towards the burning towers, establishing command on the scene, afraid yet unafraid.

I hate the Republican Party religous platform. But I would seriously consider voting for that guy. Giuliani broadens the appeal of the Republicans, blending economic conservatism with social progression. His pro-choice stance is being raged upon by the Grand Old Party's extremists (who are no less dangerous or grandiose than our current Islamic extremist antagonists) who want to view everything through the Bible.

We all agree the Ten Commandments are good themes to live by. But are these people are blind when they call for war, but then rail on abortion? Support the death penalty but oppose abortion by rationalizing an unlived life MIGHT have been better than a current criminal one?

Giuliani also supports gay rights and stronger gun control. He is definitely keen on important environmental laws and is intimately aware of the colliding interests of big business and Mother Nature.

I think gay rights is kind of a good thing. It will help overall social health. I think that gay people are born that way regardless of environment. Research suggests brain wiring. Let them work and pay taxes and pull the social yoke like the rest of us.

And fuck yeah to stronger gun control.

And I think the greatest pull Giuliani would have on me, the independent, unaffiliated voter -
The War On Terror.

I would not want to be a terrorist with Rudy Giuliani in office. What that guy would do with four branches of armed forces. I think working with the New York City Police Department was a good runner-up type of experience for him. It is rife with politics and corruption.

Granted, he will go a little on the police state side, but I think if you are not plotting to destroy this country than you flat out have nothing to worry about. I don't see stepped up security as a problem for me.

And the conservative wing of the Republicans are going to screw it up for him. If they go with a candidate more friendly with the right wing, then I think that the Republicans will lose to Hillary.

I think that the Republican-elected Giuliani would eventually work with the Democrat-controlled House and Senate. probably there would be a year of deadlock while they are working things out, but I think Giuliani has that maverick streak, hopefully (and I mean hopefully) he won't cowtow to big business.

I don't see any real way out of this Iraq business, but I'd be willing to give Rudy a shot just as much as anyone. Plus, an Italian President! 50% of me is rooting for him right there.

We are still a long, long way away. And I am sure the campaigns are going to be brutal. But I never thought I would consider voting for a Republican.

Giuliani might swing me.

If there were no internet I would be king of the world.

Something is keeping me from reaching my full potential. I have thought about it, and the answer is simple. It's the internet.

I peruse the internet in all its perverted glory whenever I have a break in the action while at my desk. After a phone call, when I get into the office, when I get back from an outing, between reading transcripts or cases or documents of any sort.... I check my email. I check out every statistic for every sport or athlete I ever liked or like, I find pictures of the hot Victoria Secret girl, who is my favorite VS Girl to post on this blog to make it look better (or interesting, as Unruly points out, you have to have an attention grabber to get people interested in what you have to say):

I look at three blogs (this one, Just NY Jets and the Mets one) and get sick every time I see "Ed From Winchester" or any "real" person's blog and how they ignore or dismiss any new commentors that arise on their sites. I loathe the fact that these people think they are real writers or people actually care what they have to say. I know my audience, it is 3 people, and most of them don't care what I have to say. Last time I checked, nobody with a Mets blog won a Pulitzer.

I check cnn.com and watch videos of random news clips but now my speakers are broken so I can't watch anything except for without the sound. Strangely, I still watch movie trailers in their muted form, and sometimes I even watch those random news clips, happy that I can't hear the 32 second commercial that precedes them, but wishing I could hear what the witness to the elephant stomping saw.

I'm pissed that my speakers don't work anymore but I am afraid to complain because it could bring some heat on me as to why I even need my speakers. So instead, I am stuck to listening to the sound of silence.

Sometimes I don't think that it's just the internet keeping me from reaching my potential. Every day I try to take a lunch and I bring it back to my desk and eat it, slowly, while reading the newspaper. Of course I can't close my office door so as not to be antisocial or to arouse suspicion as to what I am doing in my office. I focus my attention on the sports, "Today" and local county sections of the paper, looking for my old buddies' names there, what show I want to watch later on TV, and of course the precious Mets/Jets news I enjoy reading.

My bosses sometimes walk by my office and give me a sideways glance, "why isn't he working?" "what the hell is taking an hour lunch for?" "is he still reading that fucking paper?" they must think. I try to ignore them, but I hear and take notice of every step by and glance in. They are too nice or too exasperated to say anything, I think, but maybe they don't care.

Every weekend I am required and/or subtly pressured to come into the office and show my face and/or actually do work. I have been quite neglectful about this obligation. First I had a trip to MA, then one to VA, as I purposely gave my superiors a heads up that I was "out of state" for the weekend, thereby not able to fulfill the "face-time" requirement that is sort of mandatory at the office. Then I had a baseball game on Sunday and I had to mow the lawn and do other yard work on Saturday. Another dilemma, solved by not going into the office. This weekend was Mother's Day, and I could not find the time to make it into the office again. Every week that goes by it gets easier and easier to find excuses not to go into the office on the weekend. I'm working from home, they won't even know I'm not there, I have to do anything else but go in, I want to spend time with my family, whatever.... but I know they know. They are waiting to ambush me and ask me about my weekend attendance. They will expose me for the "face-time" fraud that I am. This concerns me almost enough to go into work on a weekend. The thought of going in on a Sunday afternoon or morning intrigues me, because most times nobody is in the office at that time. But that begets the question, "If a person goes into work and nobody sees him, was he really there?" A well-placed office email or a note left on desk sometimes is enough evidence to show I was there, but now that we can access our email accounts from home that avenue is all but gone, and all that is left is the lame note, asking a question I don't need an answer for or relaying some useless information that nobody needs.

The truth is, I do do work at home, occasionally, on a Sunday evening, after everyone is in bed and the Sopranos are over, I settle down and get some work done. I don't see the need to show my face and do work I can otherwise do in the comfy confines of my living room. But I digress...

Despite my proclivity to get distracted by random nonsense, I manage to diligently get done everything that needs to be done. I am on top of every file that has been assigned to me, and I have been getting good results on my cases. Yet sometimes I think of all of the time I have wasted and I wonder, what if there was no internet? What if I didn't care what Mike Piazza's stats on the A's were? (.282, 1HR, 8 RBI), What if I didn't give a shit about seeing video of a coyote in a downtown Chicago Quiznos? What if I focused on work for 10 hours straight? What if I didn't speak on the phone with my family or friends? The answer again is simple - I would be king of the world.

Come to think of it, I don't think it's the internet, I think it's me. I think that I am not fulfilling my potential. I am going to stop right and now and start wor....

PUNK ASS FAGGOT ASS NIGGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Double Up Nigga!!!!!!!!!

A Letter From Prison

Sadly, there was a crime at my house
my girl, she made me murder a mouse

See, cause one night we were chillin' watching TV
when she went to the bathroom I dozed off peacefully

only to be startled awake by her blood-curling screaming
jumping up, my mind pictured her fighting a man stealing
from our house
but it was a mouse

she, standing upon the toilet in fear
me, reeling from heart attack of the year

"He won't eat that much," I said. "Leave him be."
She said to me, "You are downright crazy,
you kill that mouse immediately!"
And so it for me it was murder, first degree

I set the trap, baited with peanut butter goodness
that would seduce any mouse, the lusciousness
would be too much to resist, and the mouse's greeter
at first bite is that neck-snapping Peanut Butter Reaper

The next morning as I awoke I went to check the trap
and a crime scene awaited me, I caught the rap

Mouse detective didn't believe I was an innocent passer-by
on the way to the refrigerator to get some juice or some pie
I cracked under interrogation, admitted the deed
and now I know that I will never be freed

Rodent parole board denied my appeal

DON'T TAKE DOWN NUDITY -

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE FIRST AMENDMENT?

HERE IS ANOTHER "ART PHOTO" OF MY EX-GIRLFRIEND (RIGHT.....)

I ALSO WANT TO POSE THIS QUESTION TO YOU ALL -

A. DO YOU THINK THIS COUNTRY AND WORLD WILL BE AROUND BY 2200 AND WHY?
B. WHO IS THE GIRL IN THE PHOTO?

Yeah, boyyyeee!

The Denver Nuggets victory over the San Antonio Spurs was so fucking awesome on Sunday night!

Okay, before I get ahead of myself here, it was only Game 1. In 2005 the Nuggets took Game 1 in San Antonio, only to get absolutely manhandled the rest of the way down the stretch. May I provide one reason why that will not be the case this time round?

The Nuggets have finally learned how to play together. Right after the Iverson trade went down in December, Carmelo was one game into a 15-game suspension and Denver's playoff chances - even at that early date - looked bad. But AI came in, stepped up and just played with a bunch of guys he didn't know. The Nuggets went 8-7 during Melo's suspension, even while getting rid of leading bench player Mighty Mite Earl Boykins and adding point guard Steve Blake, further disrupting any semblance of chemistry the Nuggets were having.

Then Carmelo and AI needed to figure out how to click on the floor at the same time. For the first 30 games the played .500 ball. With that much in-season change, it is nothing short of a miracle that they got their act together at all.

Iverson has provided it all, scoring lifts in times of drought, foul calls when we need them. Granted, he turns the ball over, but he is a very streaky player and can light up at any time, can take over games at any time. His leadership and poise has rubbed off on the rest of the team. In the month of April, the Nuggest have lost one game. Iverson's attitude is driving them through these playoffs.
Carmelo is listening and learning. They have come close to 60 points combined in games down the stretch. Watching Game 1, the Spurs just look a tad old and slow. The Nuggets are much faster. AI and Melo can slay the Spurs.

Marcus Camby played some unbelievable basketball down the stretch and SHOULD win the Defensive Player of the Year, but we'll see. His defense changes the game for the opposing offenses, and his rebounding is crucial.
And then there is the X-factor, the man whose performance the entire series may hinge on, Nuggets power forward Nene.
Nene is crucial because he provides the post defense on Tim Duncan, a Hall-of-Famer in waiting. In Game 1 he was just short of spectacular. If we can get that effort from him every game, again, we will slay the Spurs. Nene provides rebounding, especially offensive, and interior scoring, which helps get Duncan in foul trouble.

Ginobli just looks older and slower and Bruce Bowen cannot cover Carmelo any longer one-on-one. He has given him problems in the past, but Melo is too quick and too strong a finisher to the basket.

Prediction: Nuggets in 5.

Harry Reid is a Traitor

After meeting with President Bush, something Bush didn't have to do, Harry Reid pronounced that we have officially lost the war in Iraq.

Good job asshole...This is just the type of nonsense that makes people hate the Deomcrats. It is why I will never vote for another Democrat as long as I live.

We are at war you scumbag. We have enemies accross the world. You are telling them that we are lost, divided, & beaten. It's a shame that we don't hang traitors anymore because you sure would look good swinging on the lawn of the White House.

Show some respect for your president, our troops, and this great nation. If we are losing anything it is because of wimpy whiny scumbags like you. United we stand but divided we fall.

Dude, What the Fuck?

OVERFLOATER is becoming increasingly disturbed with the frequency and willingness of Americans to shoot, kill or wound each other when their life isn't working out the way they would like it.

This morning I was greeted with CNN headlines about the Virginia Tech campus getting shot up by some deranged gunman. 32 people are now dead and 29 more are injured. What the hell did this serve?

As of now there are not many details coming out, just that the gunman is dead after a 2+ hour crime spree. Some reports are commenting that the gunman was looking for his girlfriend, that when he couldn't find her he lined people up in one building and just shot them execution style. It is now nothing short of a massacre.

I think I speak for nearly everyone on the planet when I say I know what it is like to have your heart broken. To feel like you are plummeting down a bottomless abyss and life has become a lonely, aimless journey - to feel sadness and depression, to not be able to see a brighter day, especially in the wake of rejection from someone you loved very deeply.

But how in hell does killing innocent, unknown people sooth a seared soul? Does THAT get the girl? "Ooooh, Johnny just shot up campus and killed 20 people, I am sooooo attracted to him now! What was I thinking breaking up with him last weekend?"

Hmmmmm,... pretty fucking good asshole.

The question is now: "What is wrong with our society where we are starting to experience a half-dozen or so shootings a year?"
How have we become so disconnected from one another that a viable solution to the inner turmoil is to simply take out innocent bystanders? Where was the gunman's support structure, parents, friends, etc.? Did he never mention how hurt he was inside, or some of the violent urges in his head?

I recall clearly when I lost who I thought was my true love, Lisa Wohletz.


She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and when I first saw her it hit me like a bolt of lightning.
I couldn't take my eyes off of her.
Without question, there were mornings and days and nights where I felt like rolling over and dying. I couldn't understand how she could leave. I still don't. The answers have never arrived. The more I walked away from that day the less it stung. But I still feel it today.

I mean, just look at her! I thought that I had finally arrived at happiness in life. I thought all that struggle and uncertainty I had been through in my life were all leading up to her. New Jersey needed to push me away so I would wander out to Colorado and we could unite our kindred spirits.

Just look at these gorgeous lips, supple breasts!


Look at this perfect ass! What immaculate perfection!

Now, how could I possibly go on after her? Without her I felt like I was gutted and my insides were strewn all along the thousands of miles I've walked, away from her.

Did I feel like living? Nope.

But did I go and shoot up a shitload of perfect strangers because Lisa wouldn't give me what I wanted more than anything in the world? Nope.

It never even OCCURRED to me to hurt anyone else. So, what is going on with the rest of our society? Men and women break up everyday, hearts break everyday, they have since time immemorial, since cave days, since four-legged days, since amphibian days.

But only recently does it seem that the modern solution is the business end of a weapon. Here in Colorado, I believe I am on the front lines of domestic gun violence in America. Twice a month there is a story in the paper about some Colorado man whose relationship wasn't working out, so here are the few options in front of him:

A) Stick it out and work it out,

B) Divorce, or

C) Kill your wife, kids and yourself.

And unfortunately, the answer turns up C far too much. Is this new behavior? Or have these things always been going on and only now, with the constant innundation of mainstream media, are we learning about these incidents?

Me, I think that this is a new culture in America. Where did it arise from? Did people just wake up one day to a violent and murderous mass consciousness? Who woke up on the 'psycho killer' side of the bed in the morning?

All of this just leads me to believe that America is unraveling as far as a community and a country. We do not respect each other or each other's lives. A culture of violence has risen in this country since the 1990's, but the answers why fly by just as fast as a gunman's bullet. Perpetrators of these crimes nearly always kill themselves and so their motives go to the grave with them, leaving us unsatisfied as to only guess his motivations. The Columbine killers left behind mountains of motive evidence: videos, diaries, school projects and web sites all proclaimed their intentions, sometimes even a year before the Columbine Massacre. But now, these new psychos just commit their crimes and we are left to ponder why.

Darwin Din't Get No Beaver

First off, I apologize for my photo editing skills in advance.

Secondly, why is it that wacky guys in cartoons are always named Larry or Ralph?

Finally, I don't get it? Who wants a big hairy beaver for their birthday?

Sheer Profundity?

I know when I said, "finally" you'da (uh-oh there goes the grammar rodeo) hoped I'd just stop there. Alas I am very far from done.

Anyone who knows me knows that it's very hard for me to stay on point. They think I am just stupid or that I was probably dropped on my head while smoking a bong as a child.

They are only half right...

And in my opinion, Darwin's theory of evolution is probably only half right at best. No, I am not a creationist although I have been known to begatting down from time to time. No, it's because I don't think that humans are highly evolved. Who cares whether or not we came from apes, monkeys or chimps? How does that help us out today? Through natural selection humans have developed an opposable thumb and this makes us superior to monkeys? Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know we can talk. Christopher Walken in The Prophecy referred to man as talking monkeys. We wish... and monkeys everywhere were offended. They can swing in trees with their feet for crying out loud! But that is not my biggest problem with Darwin or Evolution.

My main problem is with the beaver.

Have you ever read or seen anything about this animal? They basically can live on land and in the water for the love of God (or Darwin, no offense Mr. & Mrs. Evolution...which is by the way a pretty great band name but I digress)! I can grip a hammer and hold a pen...they can cut down trees with their teeth! I'm sorry but they are far superior to humans and yet Darwin chose humans as his focus group. Talk about solipsism...Why do you think we give Beavers names like Bucky? It's because deep down inside we are all anti-evolutionites. We all know inside our highly evolved domes that regardless of whether God did it to us or our environment moved us precariously along towards our current state. We's sure did gets the short end of the stick so's tah' speak. The stick that a beaver makes far more productive use of than humans can and at a lower cost.

When people want to do construction, they go before zoning commissions and beg for variances that will allow for their precious structures to be built. When beavers want to build crap they just gnaw on some trees, knock shit down, slop mud on it and call it home. They don't care who's on the town council and they certainly don't send the mayor's wife a coupon for a free car wash. No, like Nike used to say, the beaver just do it. Beavers flood farmer's lands in this country more than American Idol sucks. Is Al Gore pissed about it? No, what can he do? They're freaking beavers and they do what they want when they want. Towns try to stop them by putting up barricades in front of sewage holes but beavers don't play. They usually find a way to get around these feebly archaic hindrances so they can build and grow their population. I don't know about you but just in case this global warming crap is true, my money would be on the beavers. I guarantee they get better odds in Vegas than man. Did I mention that they basically could live on land or in water? Meanwhile, some guy in Arkansas (or New Jersey) is picking his nose with his thumb, which is just a glorified finger.

Just one more thing on how I feel about beavers...

They rule.

Just one more thing on Darwin and evolution...

If beavers evolved from a lower species into their current awesomeness how come they don't get constantly compared to them? I mean how come we have to put up with being compared to monkeys who masturbate in public and fling poop while beavers just get to go around cutting down trees and screwing up our farmer's properties? Exactly...it's because if evolution holds any truth it's that beavers are the superior species.

PS - I hate people who get all sad when whales beach themselves. They're just trying to eat you, moron. Ask a seal or a walrus and they'd tell you...I dares ya' to ask 'em.

PSS - To the creationists in the crowd, riddle me this...On the first day, God said, "Let there be light." But then He waited until like the fourth day to create the sun, the moon and the stars. What was the light He created? I'm not trying to be obnoxious...I seriously want to know what theologically you think He did...Did God create Jesus on that first day or did He just create the idea of Jesus' light? Without the sun, the moon and the stars would there even be light?

Until Next Time:

LETS GO METS!

3X!

This post also appears over at The Aurora...a good place to go for Right Wingers like myself & a good place for Lefties (like the Overfloater who thinks that George W. Bush was involved with the September 11th attacks) to go for reprogramming.

Comic Relief

OVERFLOATER must give out his props, exclaim his respect
for the best quarterback who displayed what I didn't expect

self-depricating to the end, he hammed it up on Saturday Night
Live from New York and much to his many fans' utmost delight

came a United Way commercial where kids he pegged
in the head, in the back, and despite how they begged

on he commanded, "Brown,Razor. Pink, watch the blitz!"
and the audibles and hand signals the kids completely missed

So he shouted in their faces, "Do you want to lose this game?"
and, "Go to the port-a-potty, you suck and you are to blame!"

he sneered at one kid, "I don't even want to look at you."
and after the game he taught them how to steal cars too

Then he became Ted Trimble- refined, college basketball guru
for ESPN, whose 63-2 tournament picks was some Vegas voodoo

As the skit played on, the host had an unusual way of expressing
Texas' first-round tournament exit as "pulling a Peyton Manning."

and Peyton, as Ted, replied, "I don't get it. What are you saying?"
to which Bob said, "his glorious stats equate post-season deflating."

And Ted, as Peyton, got mad, "Peyton Manning is an amazing quarterback."
Citing an example Bob replied, "Yeah,...like this year's Arkansas Razorbacks."

At which everyone but Ted had a good laugh
even the lowly cameramen and studio staff

and Ted stood and stormed off of the set in much dismay
and even my Peyton-hating girlfriend had to honestly say

That was some funny shit

Thank God for the First Amendment!

This is a protest post because I was not allowed to put this harmless picture of Lindsay Lohan's boob to make a joke on the Jets blog.

Thank God at least one blog site (Overfloater) has not sold out to corporate America by banning pictures of a naked breast.

God Bless America and all our civil liberties! F the Jets Blog and its censorship!

Review of "Stranger than Fiction"

I just rented this movie last week and I have to tell you, it was great. I loved it. So did my wife.

For anyone who doesn't know, it is about an IRS Agent named Harold Crick, (Will Ferrell, aka Unruly), (or should I say that it is about his wristwatch), who finds out that he is the main character in a story written by Kay Eiffel (Emma Thompson) and that he is going to die at the end of the story.

He starts hearing voices when he is going through his normal morning routine, the same one he goes through every day of his life, and the voice is narrating what he is doing throughout the day. While annoying at first, it eventually gets him upset when the voice says that he would soon be facing his "imminent death."

While he hears these voices, he is in the process of auditing a baker by the name of Ana Pascal, (Maggie Gyllenhaal) and starts to have feelings for her.

The voices lead him to seek professional help, by way of Professor Jules Hilbert, played by Dustin Hoffman.

The question remains whether or not Ms. Eiffel can get her book finished as she is going through a major case of writer's block. To that end, an assistant is assigned to her (Queen Latifah's character Penny Escher) to help her finish the book and kill Harold Crick. In the meantime, Harold finally decided to live his life and he realizes that it would be "bad timing" if he were killed at this point.

The story, strange as it may sound, is played out in an almost realistic manner and it really gives Will Ferrell the chance to display his acting chops. Unlike most of his movies, all of the comedy in this one is subdued. He is almost deadpan when delivering most of his punchlines, and it goes to show what a great comedian he truly is. And to be honest, I really like the dramatic scenes as well. I never thought of him as "Ricky Bobby" or Ron Burgandy. He was simply a mild-mannered, lonely IRS Agent.

As for the other characters, I enjoyed them all. Emma Thompson was great and was quite funny throughout the film. The Queen played her part perfectly and she had some great lines as well. I didn't like Dustin Hoffman's character in the movie but he played it perfectly. I understand the motivation for his character, but if you watch the movie you'll see why I didn't like his view of how the story should end. Finally, Maggie Gyllenhaal was good as the love interest. I don't know why she bothers me, but she was good enough in this movie. The relationship between Harold and Ana is sweet because of Harold, not her.

Regardless, I really liked the story and the ending was great. And the message, which was basically that you should live your life and not let it pass you by, was given in an understated but enlightening manner.

This film is an "A" and definitely worth seeing. The DVD has some okay extras as well.

Alluvial

Pen in hand unwinds the tireless demand
from unanswered questions that sift as sand
through my fingers, past my vernacular
of which the sum of none fits precise or spectacular

Reflectiveness, deep empty stares over short distances
digging painstaking around the past's feelings and instances
A nostalgic grave robber lurking about the place of the dead
and given to mourn the lovelorn spirits still haunting his head

Pitiful miracle believer, soothing seared hopes with aloe silence
over ruminating years, still pondering the depths of her ambivalence
True, it was self-discovery, but flames of the past lick hot and lavishly
the sensitive underside of memory, displaying times so apparently
lying peacefully, limbs intertwined under many soft summer eves
splendid in everything, how time turns our All to drifting leaves

In those times
my way a brilliant ray punched through menacing cloud
my dismay my hesitancy to extoll such things aloud

Flower Power

Had a religious awakening in college years ago
I learned to take the sacrament, exhaling slow
and my mind opened like a blooming X-man power
and ideas shared with a friend over the course of an hour
could turn talk to action, an unusual beer bottle
into a legendary bong that for years friends it would throttle

The deceptively powerful Mississippi Mud
instrument of sacrifice for your bud
It was almost as if the Mud could hear us
and if it felt disrespected it wouldn't cuss

wouldn't shout, just knock motherfuckers out
and the ideas would soon downpour away doubt

It began as a plain white bowl-lamp on a drab ceiling
but the Mud bespoke, commanding a painting
and like Michelangelo worked on the Sistine Chapel
the flower project was then but an unbit apple

and we kept expanding the flower, it flowed over the walls
it changed the room dimensions, it required some balls
concentrating in the Mile High August heat of summer
my buddy passed out on his feet, but the room's a stunner

And at the end we were so filled by the Mud's thankful glee
that we desecrated the innocent image of Chef Boyardee
it' s funny still, and if you look closely at his hat
you will see the name of who made us do that

BLOWOUT BOY

My hais is so big,

big as a Christmas Tree,

without ornamental balls.

Screws up my balance.

Like a piano on my head.

I hear will will still grow

when I am dead.

Haircuts don't work.

Hair gel pisses it off.

So I don't try to fight it

all that much.

'Cause my hair is so big,

it has a mind of its own.

Just like Siamese Twins,

I'll never be alone.

And on time it said, quite angrily I might add,

"Put down that comb!"

When I go on dates,

it scoffs on my chick.

When I eat out,

it orders my food.

When I watch TV,

it scratches my...knee.

My hair is as big as the twin towers.

And if you should know,

yes, it has super powers.

'Cause my hair is so big.

It has a mind of its own.

Faster than a train,

stronger than Stallone.

Never to be separated.

Like a dog and his bone.

But one day things got hairy.

And my blowout and I weren't working out.

You see my hair was housing an Irish man

and his family.

And people at work were starting to talk,

And work was going to ask me to take a walk.

But since then me and my hair

worked out the glitches.

And now thngs are back to the way they were.

'Cause my hair is so big,

together we are so big, tough and bad.

And things got shady,

that we forgot what we had.

And my hair might have gotten

my employer really, really mad.

But today that doesn't matter.

'Cause big old Blowout and I are

very, very glad.

SGM 12.12.1998

Along the Breaking, Lapping Edge of Los Angeles

I walked with friends along Venice Beach at 1 am
Along the breaking, lapping edge of Los Angeles
In the sliding traction of soft sand

I stood
Small
Before the voluminous expanse of the Pacific
Under the night's legion of purple-undersided, ocean-rolling storm clouds
Caught in the soft power
That has compelled humans for thousands of years
To stare contemplatively over bodies of water

Mumbling metaphors excitedly
To a steely blue-eyed blond beside me
Her hair straight and long, wispy down between her shoulders
Her demeanor was softer than I had ever seen it
Perhaps melted by the magnificence manifesting before us
The force of the ocean, indifferent to my moment of spiritual consequence

I thought of the life that paddled in it

Out there, under there, somewhere
Things transparent
Luminescent
Gelatinous

Sharks dart
Frenzy below the whitecaps' constant coming advance
Then retreat, advance then retreat
Barracuda backs sure to gleam with the dawn hours away

We wait, safe on the shore, sneakers half-sunk in sand
While the planet spins
Racing to rise the sun from an indistinguishable horizon

Hunks of washed up, soggy kelp
Lie along the miles of beach
Like dead litter a passed over battlefield

Distant silhouettes of friends
Before a rocky outcrop, their conversing carried softly on the light, cool ocean breeze
A skylight searches the low-hanging atmosphere
As a distantly spaced line of helicopters fly straight in
Headlights popping from the Neverness of the Pacific sky
The silhouettes of street-side palm trees stand black and tall
Cutting sharp shapes into the backdrop of the purple, city-hovering cloud cover

in Denver walks a giant Russian doing security
by the name of Leo, his legend brews curiosity
as I hear accounts of him beating up Crips
and every time they come back with running lips
till they one day sent their Ajax, largest brute
fresh out the pen with the attitude to boot
that was until Leo literally smashed his face
with one punch, homey tragically learned his place
Crip took three steps back dead on his feet
nosebone into the brain he fell to the concrete
blood began to pour from his bashed head
as if a sledgehammer were wielded instead
but Big Leo's meathook was still cocked
and Crip's buddies were well beyond shocked
cause he was laying dead right in front of them
not a quiver traveled down his brain stem
one second full of fight, the next dead meat
one second a raging bull, the next just a heap
and ever since then Leo has been eating Crips
like his breakfast Wheaties, a bag of chips
all over town the little ganglords fear the Russian
big-talk steers turn to tailtucked fleeing mutton

get 'em all Leo for the late Darrent Williams

musuings on finding yourself in travel

In the green, in the green
give me my morning steam
We wit tha no work
just find that morning perk
instead of coffee bean drain
we'll sit amid the spacers plain
as this nose on my face
as not really knowing my place
in this keep-turning world
nostalgic memories unfurled
and down the carpet I strode
and these firing electrodes
of memory find me sweetly
when I reflect on them deeply

So anticipating my travel
every street will unravel
new stories, faces and imagined
loves that should've happened

From the beginning place I've come
and to an uncertainly outcome
be it craggy Colorado peak
or traffic-filled NJ street
be it a yet unseen foreign country
I just want it filled with pleasantry

And that, of course, is up to me
I decide to have it to be

Lifetimes

History is passing
Memorable lifetimes are walking by
from Presidents
to transients
With nowhere to go
or be
just a life burns on
without question

Hearts are breaking
Minds are composing
Hands orchestrate
Tongues gesticulate
in a deep kiss somewhere, in public
blooming for passer-bye's

Meaningful blows are being delivered
Explosions are dismembering
Heartbreaks are resounding
like a howitzer
blasting love/hate

Someone is snapping
Someone is jumping
Someone is birthing
somewhere

And I'm here
thinking in an infinitesimal corner
on a planet
in an orbit

Comprehension
perception

Soulful investigation
exploration

Evacuation

Seraphim Falls Review

My work schedule is a little strange, but I really like it because it affords me a lot of alone time to do whatever I want. Normally-sunny Denver has had snow on the ground for a record 40th day in a row, so on Monday (my Sunday) I went to the local movie theater and caught a double header. Both movies delivered for this finicky critic. Letters From Iwo Jima was amazing, but this blog is for the immortal Western.

Seraphim Falls. I saw exactly one commercial for this movie but really liked the scenery. I also love historical movies. Seraphim Falls almost lives up to some of the best Westerns of all time. There were several themes that ran through the movie; post-traumatic stress disorder from war, how tragedy fuses two opposite characters into two sides of the same coin, and an old-fashioned manhunt by a bounty-driven posse.

Pierce Brosnan plays a man roaming the West in 1868, surviving off the land and going from area to area on his horse. He is a former Union captain in the Civil War and seems to be trying to run away from the past and the tragedies and atrocities he committed. We learn through eyewitness accounts that he lost both his sons at Antietam, went beserk and killed 40 men himself. Brosnan is being pursued by Liam Neeson and his hired posse of 4 mercenaries, played by famous actors you have seen in a bunch of movies but you never know their name. Neeson was a Confederate Colonel who had left his unit to return to his farm with his family. Brosnan is sent to get him after the Civil War and finds him not home, mistakenly burns down his property killing Neeson's family. You learn this only through alluding during the first three quarters of the movie, only fully understanding the grievance and reason for the pursuit then.

Caught by surprise, Brosnan gets shot in the arm and has to ditch his horse, having only his knapsack and a coat in the mountains in winter. The posse tracks him, down a river, over falls, down the snowy pass into the desert valleys. The scenery is amazing and seems a lot like Colorado. They call it the 'Ruby Mountains' but this film was definitely shot in the Rockies. The movie touches on the lawnessness and the hardships faced by people in the Frontier at that time. Everyone is a thief, even the clergy. Men, women and children of all ages steal. Everyone just steals from each other trying to eke out their survival.

Several scenes in the movie are hardcore gory, I was actually squirming in my seat. Rambo-style, Pierce Brosnan has to kill one-by-one his pursuers, half drowned and shot with no coat. In one scene, Brosnan has to perform surgery on his arm with his hunting knife to get the bullet out. It is absolutely off the wall.

Frostbitten and freezing without a coat, he buries his hands in the slit belly of his first victim of the posse in a desperate attempt to warm them up. He finds a dead bear in a a steel trap, cuts off the trap and sets up a booby trap. One unsuspecting posse member's horse kicks the trip wire and the trap comes swinging from a tree and catches him full on in the chest. In this harrowing scene one contemplates what that must actually feel like, to have a steel bear trap clamp around one's full chest and ribcage. The dismounted posse stares at him in disbelief, wondering what to do when Neeson merely shoots the poor bastard.

The climax of hardcore, however, came toward the end. A horse that Brosnan had acquired died while trying to get across the Desert. At this point there is one posse member left and they are hot on his heels. Realizing he has nowhere to hide and his pursuers within a mile of him, Brosnan slits the fallen horse's neck. When they come upon the body of the horse, the last remaining posse member dismounts to examine it. Neeson remains mounted and scanning the horizon. The horse's stomach and intestines are ripped from its belly and strewn in front of it. The last posse member walks up to it and turns to Neeson and wonders aloud why Brosnan would do such a thing.

At that point I was thinking that maybe he ate the liver or something because he was starving and wanted to get away and whatnot, when all of the sudden Brosnan leaps OUT of the horse carcass and has the posse member with his hunting knife to his throat! I nearly leaped out of the seat! Brosnan stands there dripping with horse blood and guts, having totally achieved the surprise. I couldn't believe it. Awesome.

I won't report on how it ends however, but it was slightly confused. Without specifically mentioning it, the movie tried to depict the mental anguish and attachment disorders of blame and guilt that war veterans experience. I picked up on that, but the exploration of those issues wasn't enough. You had to always just guess by the look in a character's eyes to tell what their motivation was. But that also was the way the West was too. You couldn't trust anyone. You had to look someone in the eye and go with your intuition. Double-crossing and thievery were done by everyone all the time, that was survival.

Great Western. Better than Tombstone but not quite there with The Good, The Bad, And the Ugly. 8 out of 10 stars.

THE DISTRESS OF THE ANT

In Memoriam - Maury

I befriended an ant one hot, dry, Saturday afternoon
baked in Pueblo, Colorado
I watched him so closely, fascinated
as he sat up, balancing on two fragile splayed legs and rotated his proboscis

Athletically he covered the cardboard-edge terrain that I held aloft before my observing eyes
an impossible height to him

I flicked him on my futon mattress, my place of peaceful rest
I mercilessly manipulated his incredible little life
I raced him before me over and over as I studied his amazing little intricacies
how the legs received commands from the tiniest of brains

Red and orange with a black bulbous rear
pincers for a mouth
I imagined all that he might eat
crumbs, other wonderfully detailed insects
I thought about the constant murderous predation of all life

Wonder unexpectedly turned to a barbaric urge-
I hit the ant as he scurried along his way, my pen cap crashing on him
as an asteroid falling to earth would

Pinned beneath the overhead impact of the black plastic pen cap and the soft futon mattress beneath
his panic evident not by his expression
but by the blurring, rapid motion of his thinnest of twig legs
The Distress Of The Ant
while fleeing, again the pen cap came crashing close
then directly hit, and hit again, and missed, then hit, then missed
another miss, then a hit, then another, and another...

I unceremoniously beat my ant friend to death
his curled corpse and I were close together
both of us suffering in the consequence of my decision to murder
The irreversibility of my actions

A Classic From 1998 New Jersey

The booty call is resounding
seems to blow through treetops
I don't want to ignore it
don't want to pretend that it doesn't pull me

The alcohol fuels it
the flames higher, licking
a starry sky with flicking tongues

Tantalizing bonfire
I want to call Berkley Heights
drive there if I could remember the number
Damn
Alcohol

Close Call For One Aussie

I read about a Great White shark attack in Austrailia recently. An abelone diver was about 15-20 feet underwater looking for those pesky mollusks along a reef when he claimed out of nowhere a 15-foot Great White bit his head. It knocked out his oxygen mouthpeice.

This is one of the luckiest men on Earth that day. The shark bit his mask. But that wasn't it. Jaws repositioned his grip and half swallowed the man. Medical evidence, injuries and eyewitness accounts all relate this part - the guy was being swallowed. His head, right shoulder and arm and most of his torso were inside the shark. The Great White's teeth were clamped down on the guy's weight vest! Abelone divers wear weights to keep them grounded as they search. This actually acted as body armor. The man tells a tale of absolute horror. As he was feeling the sharks teeth grinding on his vest he was searching around in the fish's gullet with his free arm, pounding away. His left arm and shoulder were still outside of the shark's mouth and the guy actually felt along the shark's head and jammed his thumb in its eye as hard as he could. The monster coughed him up.

The diver found his mouthpiece, connected to him by the breathing tube and tried to take a breath and figure out where the surface was. He found it and started up, but the shark wasn't going away. He swam up slower than you would think to possibly fend off another attack. Reports say the diver was a black belt in some martial art, which really cracked me up - like that would even matter. Probably a 6-foot 180lb. karate-knowing land mammal underwater vs. the 15-foot, 2,500lb. greatest predatory ocean fish of our time. Yeah right. Anyway, the shark was circling below his legs as he tried to surface, expecting it to come up with full speed and force. Imagine how unbelievably terrifying this is?

The diver's son and nearby boaters hauled him right out of the water and got him to shore to medical attention. He is going to be fine, didn't lose a single limb. I would never set foot in so much as a puddle after that. The diver reported from the hospital that his fleeting thoughts while being almost swallowed were total disbelief that he was going to die as fish food. The top half of your body is down the throat of a Great White and it occurs to you that you are about to be bitten in half.

I have been transfixed in vicarious terror about sharks all my life. My first memory is of a shark. I spent countless hours reading about them, drawing them as a child. It boggles my mind that anyone would even attempt surfing in Cali or Austrailia. You look exactly like a seal from the shark's perspective. One second you are sitting on your surf board and the next - BAM! Your leg is gone below the knee. Humans are not accustomed to being hunted by any other species besides ourselves. Stories such as this always remind me that our societies are so busy and intricate and entertainment dominates our lives so much that we don't realize that this trip could end anytime. And you can' t take anything with you. No U-Hauls follow the herse to the cemetary.

KNOWING THE BEAST

Under the red wavy circle in the harbor
Of an island tree in the sea of plain, his eyes
His eyes beaming a supreme sinister ardor
Away, the herds live in constant forethought surprise

Living sand springs from the high grass, it's him
A collision of enamel as his
Horrible canines sink so forcefully in
Scraping spinal column, killing as is

Fawn's complacent eyes widen and glisten
Like her soul departing, drifting away
So absent this moment of human superstition
Understanding dying, pinned as she lay


He cracks shoulder blades, crushes throat
Breaking legs, he's the bobbing thorn
Branch, tearing and bloodying coat
Sucking marrow, gnawing on horn

Straining in the wind, against its velocity
Flowering is his manhood and red, the stolen blood
Stains his snout, streaming, displaying alacrity
Immolating cycle like the jugular flood

His ferocity grows
Like his strands, striations
Of muscular neck, flows
In all directions

He runs toward me, our eyes
Lock, he's concentrating
On me, out with my sigh
My fear like me soon bleeding, seeping