Wednesday, May 9, 2007

A Letter From Prison

Sadly, there was a crime at my house
my girl, she made me murder a mouse

See, cause one night we were chillin' watching TV
when she went to the bathroom I dozed off peacefully

only to be startled awake by her blood-curling screaming
jumping up, my mind pictured her fighting a man stealing
from our house
but it was a mouse

she, standing upon the toilet in fear
me, reeling from heart attack of the year

"He won't eat that much," I said. "Leave him be."
She said to me, "You are downright crazy,
you kill that mouse immediately!"
And so it for me it was murder, first degree

I set the trap, baited with peanut butter goodness
that would seduce any mouse, the lusciousness
would be too much to resist, and the mouse's greeter
at first bite is that neck-snapping Peanut Butter Reaper

The next morning as I awoke I went to check the trap
and a crime scene awaited me, I caught the rap

Mouse detective didn't believe I was an innocent passer-by
on the way to the refrigerator to get some juice or some pie
I cracked under interrogation, admitted the deed
and now I know that I will never be freed

Rodent parole board denied my appeal


fakehead said...

That was pretty good Figs.

I had a run in once with 2 little mice. My cat was playing with something, then my dog got involved, and guess what their toy was? That's right, mice. They almost killed the poor things, and left them bloody and squeaking. I took them outside and finished the job with a shovel. I felt bad for them, but I had to put them out of their misery. My cat was pissed that I took away her toy. My dog didn't really know what she was doing and was just messing around.

Anyway, we haven't had any mice since (knock on wood). My cat would be a good mouser, except she likes to maim and play with the mice instead of straight up killing them. She is one fucked up, mean pussycat.

Fakehead, out.

Figgythemick said...

I gave up my cat to live with Kim because half her family is severely allergic.

But when we lived together I had a garden level apartment for a year. He nailed every mouse that set foot in there (3). One time I saw him during the day as I was doing homework. I stopped what I was doing and grabbed my camera.

Discovery Channel-style I photographed my cat hunting and killing the mouse. But he played with it for a long time, biting down and pinning in his paws then letting go. The mouse would lay there all fucked up and then try to make a move, at which point my cat would bite him again or hold him down with a paw. It took a while for that mouse to die and I felt a little bad. But you can't interfere with Nature's course...

head of fakeness said...

It is pretty interesting. My cat always swipes at my dog too. But sometimes, my dog chases my cat around. It is pretty funny. I love watching them fuck with each other, it cracks me up. Of course, my dog playing games, my cat is a mean little bitch. These days, it is strange because my cat, who has ignored us ever since we got a dog and even more so when we added a little human, has become very snuggly and friendly. My wife and I have been joking that our cat is dying, because she is trying to change her evil ways and be friendly so she can go to cat heaven. That being said, she still swipes at our precious dog at almost every chance she gets.

fake said...

To be honest, your girl is guilty of conspiracy to commit murder, but she would beat the charges if I were her attorney.

Ficksthe Mig said...

She's her own attorney. Why do you think I'm still unmarried? She's take me to town.